FORGIVE MY TRUTH
All I want is for you to love me. It's so easy and so hard.
I see your eyes wander and it makes me feel gloomy, when all I want is for you to see me. That's all I need. The human condition of lust is potent but I see that its just skin. One year three mont hs is 1 year 9 months and a week shorter than my longest relationship , its scary and real.
I need to feel I am the one and only, the kind of man that you adore only. That's all I need.
Am I the one for you? My jealousy seeps out into my skin and I feel it crawling so I then crawl into bed feeling alone.
I need to feel that I am special, that you love me like no one else. I don't want to see you look at other guys. That's all I need. I'm your man.
Don't break my heart you see, I would bleed and bleed. Please just love me and ignore me being needy.
This is my first time on the field and I feel like a spinning wheel. Give me all your love. I know it's selfish, I need a lot. It's not easy to pinpoint the spot when I fell for you. I just want my love story. I want to know that you are the one for me and we will be happy and live so free. Life is not easy and neither is love but I feel it could be easier with you.
I know I sound crazy and my eyes are hazy from not sleeping after we fought. I just didn't want to think that I was not good enough to make you so happy. I can't live with the thought that you might not want me. It's hurting to put myself out there for you but I know its what I need to do. This is something you will never hear me say so I write it here in hopes that I will say it soon.
BAD DAY
FATE VS. WILL
We don't choose the things we believe in; they choose us."
—Lamar Burgess
Ive been contemplating these kind of questions more as of late. Its easy not to think about such dire things but it comes up everyday. For a long time...I believed in free will. We make our choices. We define our paths.
But lately..ive questioned this. Do we have any control? Its easy to say no..it frees us to an extent. Frees us from the burden of mistakes made, consequences. We can do whatever we want. When things happen in life that surprise us and we cant explain how they occured...it seems to point us in the fate direction. Im interested to find out how some of you guys look at this. Have you experienced events that changed your path..changed your mind?
WARRIOR
A beautiful quote I read today and it really moved me. It moved me for several reasons. I have begun to let go of the past and accept my present. It’s interesting that we live so obsessed with everything in our possession and what we can achieve. I have lived with everything and I have lived with nothing. I still exist in the same soul and that is what makes me a warrior. I fight for it, the answers to my questions. I am not a warrior in the sense of fighting battles or destroying adversaries but more a warrior of myself. Trying to make a way for the world to work for me.
I have recently let go of the past in many ways and its truly liberating. I began by deleting emails and phone numbers from the past, and letting go of my life before the now. I will no longer dwell on the past. I have always been, for lack of a better word, a gypsy. I go where I want and partake of the world in my own ways while honoring my moral compass that guides me. I don’t judge others when possible and expect the same in return.
I have learned that the only way to be truly free is when you are no longer tied down to the world. I think that is why ancient man never created a book called “He’s just not that into you”. The world has changed. The relationship structure has changed and many assume this is for the best. Is this for the best?
Ancient warriors would fight and return home as victors. There was a sense of honor and they never worried about their credit scores or who to ask out on a date. They took what they want, had a moral code, and fought for the rest. There is always a downside but the basic idea is interesting to me.
Simple lives existing in simple ways was the idea and it seemed to serve its function. Why must we constantly try to progress? This constant need to acquire more and more, create more and more, and to live longer and longer seems to be quite unique our day and age.
I am letting go of my past world. I have found a religio us enlightenment. I see the world in its true nature of good and bad and realize that without humans, the world would not exist. We cohabitate and we need each other, we all need each other.
TO FORGIVE
"Love is the first cause. It is the point of light beyond all light and darkness, it is truly the cohesive power of the universe. Love is the key to every closed door. There shoud be no discrimination in love, for divine love embraces all alike, no matter what color race, sex, creed or religion.... True love excludes self polluting energies such as fear of failure, fear of truth, and much more. The truth is you cannot enjoy the reality of love until you can forgive. Even from Christ's heart come the words" Father, Forgive them for they know not what they do. " excerpt from The Divine Doctor by Joseph Michael Levry. Forgiveness is the golden key needed to open the gates for spirit to accelarate the resurrection of the divine in living form.
RELATIONSHIPS
Relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just great.