I live in my own misery sometimes. I guess that comes from many years of feeling like no one understands me and the inevitable thought patterns that made me believe I would be alone for the rest of my life. Things have changed a lot for me in the past three months. I have a job that I love and a girlfriend I would do anything for. I have a few people in my life I can trust and I feel like for the first time I'm not meant to go through life like a lone wolf. Yet, still I find myself engaging in acts of a demonic nature because in some strange way I'm afraid of letting go of the past because the future is so bright. Isn't that a shame? I'm my own worst enemy and I perpetuate my misery because that's what I've done for so many years.

I'm done making myself live in the mess I create. I'm done feeling like I don't deserve the life I know I want. I'm done living for myself and I'm done acting like my actions don't affect anyone else but me this time. I know it's just as simple as deciding that I'm better than that, but it's still going to take some time for me to be able to accept that my life isn't as bad as I make it out to be. But I'm going to start today, and I'm going to make it through this time and come out stronger & wiser than I've ever thought possible.