I’m currently trapped between the never and the now. I used to live each day to the fullest extent of my imagination, but lately I’ve been just scraping by on my wits and my so called talent. I play guitar to remind myself that I can still jam and be the “rock star” I used to be. I’m living in a mindset that frequently disturbs my natural flow of thought, but I’m trying so hard to break that cycle. I couldn’t tell you the last time I felt like this because I’ve never felt like this before.

I can smile but it’s a fake one, and I can laugh, but it sounds more like a cackle these days. I’m guilty of being a guy at night, and I’m exonerated of acting like a man by the time the sun comes up. I’m a sinner and a saint, I’m a loser and my own best mate. I’m as clever as the wool that’s been pulled over your eyes...and I’m such a sucker for the truth that turns out to be a lie.

I’m self destructive and self aware, I have a cross that I must bear, and this time I’m fully aware of the difference between a gaze and a stare.

I’m 22 years young, but I’m feeling rather old these days. I’m collectively an anomaly and I’m kidding half the time. I live in the moment that I’ve forgotten as of late. It’s all my fault, It’s not my fault, it’s nothing I can’t work through. Constant fighting with my parents, daily concerns and all these things are pilling up on me. Sometimes I want to break all sorts of commitments and be left alone.  It’s overwhelming me and I’m starting to crack under the pressure. Sometimes I can’t deal with all the things that I have to go through.