LOS ANGELES

Throwing the car in reverse, I light up a cigarette, and I'm off. I'm instantly lost in the beat of the music and the thick smoke burns in my lungs. Relaxation sets it.

Driving down Sunset Boulevard, I look at all of the posh eateries and trendy clubs. The realization that this is where everyone wants to be sends a feeling of empowerment and privilege through my body.  I take the long way home to insure I get a view of the city, embellished with the city lights.

"This is where it all happens," I remind myself "this is big time, Dude."

The cool wind blows my hair all a mess, and the feeling of independence becomes almost a high. Reflecting on the last few months I'm realizing that I'm on my own, making it, in a town that I never imagined I would." I've learned so much.  I've become so assertive and capable" I praise myself.

As I drive through the winding hills I begin to think of all of the people in this town that are doing something great; people that have come from small beginnings, like myself, and dreamed themselves to this city and experienced tremendous success.  So many have done so well and been so blessed….

"Shit." Doubt kicks in. Anxiety smothers me. Staring into the crimson traffic light, I wonder if I will ever be one of those people. I doubt myself and my reasons for being here. I doubt my abilities, wondering "What can I do? I'm really not good at anything. I'm interested in a lot, yeah, but so what? So are a million other people out here! What am I doing to make something- ANYTHING- happen?" I torment myself with negativity. I wallow in self pity.

I look out over the city from the hill top. The once inspiring view becomes completely overwhelming and for a moment I feel so small, so insignificant.